Broken Heart

Sleepless nights and days in vain

Two sides of the same coin

Love and pain.

All the memories you preserved

The tiny toys and the long poems

The scribbled notes and the blurry photos

Ashes. They turn to ashes as they say goodbye

They move on with their life

While you lay there and sigh.

Why did you remember the color of their shirt

And their smell on a rainy day

Why did you remember their eyes and their gaze

Why did you save old photos and fridge magnets

Why love when all it brings is heartbreak after heartbreak

Chasing shadows

You run past the meadows

Chasing something, a shadow, a glimpse

Of the memories of the past

A song plays on the radio and you hit call on your phone

All it took was one musical note to break your no contact zone

You remember the past and a bitter after taste lingers in your mouth

But your mind only focuses on the love before it went south

You remember the sound of their feet on the wood

Spending more time cuddled up than you should

You remember the first breakfast together

You remember the first kiss in terrible weather

You remember the tears in their eyes as they drove away

You remember all the nights you prayed

So you chase the shadows of these memories

But they were long gone

The house was silent long before you left it

The kitchen hadn’t felt warmth, neither had you

And the eyes at the airport were wet only for you.

But you go on chasing shadows of a past

That ceased to exist, of a love that wasn’t meant to last.

So you chase shadows because you loved a little too hard

So you chase shadows even when there was no love, even in the past.

(C) Sneha Pathak

Faking it

A busy nighttime street

And a quiet high rise apartment

A cup of tea and a book

Intrumental music in the background

Some fairy lights

The ambiance is just right

So you let the music and the words drown out

Drown out the voices in your heart

You let them suffocate the painful past

You go out and you smile

Carrying a secret, all this while

You talk about the past as if its a long-gone chapter

Hoping they believe you, not knowing the extent of the disaster

So you put on a show and shine for the world

Deep down, your heart only mutters the same words

So go on faking my dear,

Until one day, it doesn’t hurt as much

For the world is filled

With love, heartbreak, betrayals and such.

© Sneha P Rights Reserved

Looking for a piece of me

You look at strangers searching for a piece of you
To find any sense of home in this place that is so new
But did home ever feel like home?
Did the people back home feel like your own?
Or have you always felt like a boat searching for a shore
Trying to row hard, but without any oars
The city changes, the scene changes, the people change
But a piece of your heart feels amiss, isn’t that so strange?
You search for something that feels like a blanket
On a cold winter night
You search for something that feels like a hot cup of tea
In a world where even a conversation comes for a fee
You search for something that feels like a rock
Like the comfort of finding that missing pair of sock
You search for a person who speaks your tongue in a foreign land
But does it ever feel like you are looking for penny’s in sand?
So you look at strangers trying to find meaning in their eyes
You search for the truth in a land of lies.

Little Moments, Lots to Say

John Keats said,
A thing of beauty is a joy forever
This quote develops more meaning
As I grow older
The other day for instance,
I walked by the pier around evening
The gentle laps of emerald blue water
And the last remaining rays of sunshine
Illuminated the brick path and this dark mind of mine.
I marveled at the beauty of the city lights
The vast ocean, the tall towers and the sailing ships
But what caught my eye, was human relationships.
I see a little baby giggle with laughter as the father pokes the feet of his daughter
I see the wrinkled smile of an old woman as she snaps a quick picture of her husband looking at the water
I see two new lovers,
The girl who is dressed in a red flowery dress, turns a deeper shade of red
As the guy mutters sweet nothings near her ears
I see a guy talking on headphones, smiling from ear to ear
Another woman reading a book on the grass,
Reminiscing about a time in the past
The harbor is beautiful but there’s something prettier nearby,
Memories, love, intimacy and beauty
Of humans, and their untold stories
Of little moments of joy, nostalgia, romance and even monotony
Coloring human existence with shades of delight and agony
The sunsets today but the stories don’t go to bed
Pushing on wards like sailing ships
Like Fitzgerald says,
Like boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past
Not knowing how long this moment will last.

Memories – An old forgotten box

Margaret Atwood Says,

“The memory is no friend

It can only tell you

what you no longer have”

I breathe a sigh

Today, I passed the little clubhouse,

Where we played childlike games

I breathe a sigh because it’s not the same.

Today I shopped at our favorite supermarket

I remember how you pushed the cart down the little aisles

While I clung to your hand

I remember how you bought me food

before you went back

Worrying I won’t have enough to eat

I remember tidying up your place before I left, so it remained neat.

I wish the returns counter accepted memories back.

I see a car on the street that looks exactly like yours

I reason, thousands of people drive that car

And I tuck you away in my mind someplace far.

My phone shows me a picture of you in the kitchen

Childlike eyes, and silly smiles

I toss away those photos in the deleted files.

You see, someone told me

you don’t go back in time, you only go forward

I wish you and me in the past didn’t make these memories,

I wish we know then, that in the future

we run away from each other, not toward.

And now like old furniture that I cannot seem to give away

As I try to move, your memories get in the way.

© Sneha Pathak

Angel

They say the brightest morning

Come after the longest nights

I was engulfed in darkness

Until you stepped in with your shining light.

A sole candle, enough to keep the darkness at bay

My heart belonged to you, I didn’t even have a say.

You taught me what love is, pure, kind and compassionate

You taught me, you can be calm in arguments and in heart, passionate.

laughter fills our room,

As we have date nights under the moon

You became my biggest supporter and cheerleader

You were the one pushing me to climb the ladder

Even in anger you don’t lose your mind

Your words towards me are always so kind

When life had bought me on my knee

You came and pulled me up, I knew it was meant to be.

(C) Sneha P

Longing

Longing.

A harsh, melancholy feeling

You watch the couple run through the rain

Hand in hand, laughing

And you feel, longing.

A desire to laugh with someone

A desire to be desired.

You watch him talk about her, sparkle in his eyes

And you feel longing.

A desire to find someone who’s eyes shine

Some one to call “mine”

You watch them build a house together

And you feel longing

To hold someone’s hand as they build you a chair

Or a table or a silly little mailbox.

And all you desire

Is to be wanted.

To be loved.

To be held.

To belong.

A new path

I toss aside,

The old, the heavy, and the uncomfortable

Not because I am not fond of it

But because it’s beginning to rust

Like an old rusty knife, that is poisonous when it cuts

Because while it felt safe to be around the familiar

The path, the future ahead, was quite clear

Treacherous, harsh, cruel and dreadful

A path, which made me fearful

So I toss aside the old

And I embrace the new

I climb, I climb, I climb

Until I find a new view.

I find joy in conversations

I talk to writers and musicians

I laugh with them and hear their stories

I giggle and embrace childish glories

I appreciate life and its gems

I open my arms to new experiences

I cast aside old grievances

And I open my life to the future ahead

I close my eyes, and dream of it, as I lay on my bed.

© Sneha P Copyright 2022

I bid you farewell

With a tear in my eye

And a comforting smile on my lips

I bid you farewell, my love

Our fate wasn’t written together by gods above

Memories come flooding back

Of a golden time

where your hand refused to let go of mine

Of phone calls late into the night

Of crying, because we couldn’t stay away after a fight

Of times where you said “you are only mine”

Of times where without each other, there was no meaning of time

Of all the long roads we traveled to be with together

Our relationship had endured all kinds of weather

Of sunsets on beaches, and mornings in blanket

We were good together, even though not perfect.

Now the silence screams louder than words

Even just miles apart, the distance is like two worlds.

I stay up all night, wondering is this all

You yell at me for wanting you to call.

You go about your day and I go about mine

We forget each other, yet we feel completely fine.

So I know it’s farewell my love

Because I asked you where did our love go, as I let the memories unpack

You snap at me, “I want my life back”

So I know it’s farewell my love

The phone won’t flash my name

There won’t be even any pain to bear

Because, your heart is vacant, without any care.

Copyright (c)

Sneha P