The horrors of love

When you find yourself

Crying to sleep

When your cuts are just too deep

When right before you thought it was going okay

You find your cheeks tear-stained, in the middle of the day.

When you dread speaking your mind

To avoid argument of any kind

For everything seems to spark a conflict

Maybe its time to realize

Heartbreak is the drug,

You are an addict.

That’s when you must look in the mirror

Look in your eyes, you’ll see fear.

Fear of being alone, not love my darling

And that right there is a good point for starting.

Pack your bags, emotionally or otherwise,

For a day mourn the relationship’s demise.

For a day, I say and not a second more,

For your heart has witnessed love turn to gore.

Sweet nothings turn to a bitter after taste in your mouth,

after you take their name

And not your happiness, but your sanity is now in doubt.

Leave, and run, far and away, somewhere they can’t find you again,

All your lost strength, try to regain.

Build yourself, this time stronger than before

For now, you have seen, the horrors love has in store.

But don’t give up on love my darling

For somewhere, there is someone who has gone through the same

Maybe one day, when you meet them, this shall make sense.

But if you don’t, that’s okay too

Because the person who loves you the most has to be you.

 

(c) Sneha Pathak 2019

Rights Reserved.

 

 

Hope is the thing

Hope is the thing that ruins you

The veiled demon,  dressed in a cloak of gold

Hiding underneath the dagger and the black robes.

Like the sirens that call out to the sailor

Hope sings a melody of success and dreams

Of success, glory, and joy bursting at seams.

It draws you out of your comfort zone,

Of apathy and inaction.

The small flame of light,

Fighting away the familiar dak night.

It promises you the morning sun,

Beware, its a trap. Run!

It draws you out and makes you toil

It makes you walk the burning soil

It takes your sweat, blood, and tears

It gives you sleepless nights filled with fear.

For now, you have something of value

The false diamond of dreams, gifted by hope.

But now it has made you a beggar

For you pray to all gods known to mankind

You pray to the universe, beg for a sign.

And when its all gone to dust

As you maybe knew it would

You are left a pile of skin and bones.

Hope will be the death of you

And just when you have given up

It will resurrect you anew.

 

© Sneha Pathak

Fall

Fall of leaves and hopes

When I was younger

A walk in the park, in fall evenings

Crisp cool wind and the golden glow before the sunset

Illuminating the glass windows of tall buildings

And auburn leaves falling all around me,

Were enough to make me smile wide.

I’d imagine I was in a movie

And feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.

I’d hope to stumble into

My celebrity crush on the streets

And dream of walking Paris streets.

I would dream of growing up

Of having the freedom to go where I’d like

To pursue my heart’s calling and

Live however I liked.

Foolish dreams made of stardust and hope,

Swept away like fallen autumn leaves

By the merciless rake of adulthood and more.

Now I walk the streets, and feel the wind against my chest,

But my preoccupied mind and unobservant eyes

Ignore the wind, the leaves and the sunset.

I have the freedom, but I am confined.

I can go where I want, in theory

But I can’t take that first step, not today, not really.

For things need to be done, bills need to be paid,

People have to be pleased and deadlines have to be met.

Too afraid to take a chance,

I continue this monotonous dance.

The onset of autumn brings along memories

Of a golden time that made me beam.

But I can no longer feel it, for I lost my ability to dream.

(C) Sneha Pathak

Out of place

In a storybook village

She sits by the river,

emerald blue water

melancholy song of the birds

its a dull day.

There are only dull days.

In this quaint little town

where nothing happens

she feels like she is living in a daze

in a beautiful but toxic maze.

Caught up in the monotony

unable to escape

unable to move.

It is unsettling, the perfect harmony.

She longs for a different life

one with the cacophony of the traffic

one with the sky-high buildings

one where the city comes alive at night.

She sighs.

In an overcrowded city

She sits in her small cubicle

overlooking the grey skies

She misses the fairytales and their lies

The printer keeps buzzing

as does her phone

The only quiet she finds is in the bathroom

People surround her, breathing in her space

From the second she wakes up,

Life feels like a race.

She longs for a quiet escape.

A hidden nook

Away from the noise and the movement.

Somewhere where life halts for a moment.

She sighs.

Both look at the sky

and wish for a different life.

 

 

© Sneha Pathak

 

Where do you want to go?

Where would you rather be?

The all-powerful machine

That rests on top of your head

Where do you want it to take you instead?

In the woods far away,

Walking in solitude

Or maybe at a banquet of delicious food?

Would you rather be at a beach,

Or would you give up the excel sheets

For a chance to teach?

Or would you use this machine as a time travel device

To travel through time and space,

Somewhere where your heart lies?

Maybe with a loved one departed,

Maybe back to where your story started.

To try to change the course of your story

Or to escape from memories, dark and gory.

Picture yourself in the South of France,

Or in a studio where it’s just you and your dance.

Or a library full of dusty books that are your sole company

Or just to escape from the exhausting monotony

Somewhere where the music, sings your hearts symphony.

To live an alternate life with possibilities endless

To somehow avoid, life and all its mess.

Wherever you choose to go,

You only just need to close your eyes.

For all you delusional adventures,

Just a vivid imagination would suffice.

 

© Sneha Pathak [Rights Reserved]

Patience and Kindness

I gave a part of me to people and things

And when they left,

I kept feeling something is amiss.

My balloons of joy, tied to another

Stayed weighted near the ground, going no further.

I let others hold the rein to my joy and sorrow

I lived in suspense, wondering how they’ll make me feel tomorrow.

I let things external to me, define my being

I kept focusing on trivialities, the bigger picture I was not even seeing.

What they thought of me, defined my day

What about what I thought, didn’t I have a say?

One day I woke up, and decided to listen only to one soul

The girl in the mirror, she will play the lead role.

I decided to let go of emotions that were holding me back,

Ghosts of past, worries of future I tied them all up and threw away the sack.

I focused on smiling a lot more than I did

Of my demons though, I wasn’t yet rid.

I drank some warm tea and listened to soulful songs

I tried to find joy in little things, not worry about what could go wrong.

I gathered around me people who made me feel warm

I had to shut my walls to those who had caused me harm.

I read some poems and ate some good food

I tried to actively focus on the state of my mood.

Everyday I thanked someone for being there with me

Of the burden of unrealistic self expectations, I tried to slowly break free.

I can’t say I have conquered my mind,

But one thing I learnt, is to be patient with myself and to be kind.

(C) Sneha Pathak

A small eclipse before rebirth

As the eclipse hides the moon

I hope you see the similarity soon.

For my darkness too, has hidden my light

A part of me too, is hidden from sight.

A part of me that once laughed without care

A part of me that I lost when, I am not even aware.

My confidence now too hidden from the view

But stick around longer, I’ll be born anew.

Just as the eclipse shall end in a few hours tonight

My radiance that was hidden will soon be my guiding light.

For I shall rise from the ashes of my weaknesses, like a Phoenix reborn

In this battle against myself, victory shall me mine alone.

(C) Sneha Pathak