What you feel

One morning you wake up and feel a sudden emptiness inside of you. A blank space, a void left by something, you don’t know what.
One day you wake up and it doesn’t make sense, the sadness, the sense of gloom that has come over your mind.
Nothing has happened. Why is your heart in this emotional turmoil?
One day you wake up and see everyone getting on with their lives. People doing things they’ve always wanted to and more. People achieving great things, securing good jobs, traveling to exotic places, finding love, finding art things you’ve always wanted to do.
And a little part of you goes ‘Oh’ and a little something breaks inside you.
It doesn’t mean you’re jealous of them. Neither does it mean that you want what they have.
It’s you realising that you’re still here. Maybe you will always be just ‘here’.
Maybe some people don’t find that voice inside them that tells them what to do. The voice could be wrong too, right? You dread making a career in something you might find dull and monotonous later. But what could you have  done? Everyone said this degree will get you good jobs.
But will it compensate for that feeling when you’re tired from a long day of doing things you don’t enjoy, hustling and rushing and grinding throughout the day, just longing for the weekend?
You’re scared that not everyone feels this way. You are right too.
You want to go after what you want, but you know it won’t pay the bills. You’re too scared that you won’t be good enough for that dream. What if things go wrong?
But at least you’ll be happy. Is that enough?

But this isn’t the end of the problem. You wonder if someone out there feels the way you do. If you’re alone. If you’re normal?
You’re too scared to say it out loud because come on, your friends seem to have it all figured out. (Maybe they think the same way about you, the grass is always greener on the other side)

Then there are other things. You aren’t exactly emotionally strong either. Sometimes you get a little too attached, a little too angry, a little too upset, a little too overwhelmed. You wonder why you’re such an emotional mess? I mean once you had it all figured out in life, you knew where you were going, do you anymore?

I wish I was some genie with all the answers. But I am not, none of us. But this I know, some days nothing will make sense, some days everything will.
Some days you’ll feel invincible, some days you’ll feel hollowed out.
I think all we can do is do what we believe to be right in the moment, because no one has a definitive answer.
Even if your actions make 100% sense today, maybe they won’t tomorrow, or vice versa.
Know that you’re not alone.

Copyright ( c ) Sneha P [ Rights Reserved ]

Stuck

Sometimes you feel like you are caught in an infinite loop with no escape.
The more you try to get away from the madness, this more it sucks you in.

Everytime you think you’ve taken two steps forward, you are dragged behind by four steps.
Every time you think you are in control, situations and people  prove that you aren’t. 

Everytime you want to break free of the strings, show them you aren’t their puppet, they pull the strings tighter, show you who’s the master.

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A puppet controlled by life

Who are “they”? Your personal demon. To create your own special hell.
Designed to make you feel helpless. Like a mannequin being carried wherever the master wants.
Like a pathetic creature that shall be crushed everytime it raises it’s head.

Who are “they”? Anyone who makes you feel the above mentioned things.
A person, a situation, a job, an accident perhaps.

They crush your dreams, hopes and make you feel like there is no light. 
But there is. You have to find it. Within yourself.
You are all you have.

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The chaos shouldn’t hinder your unfaltering spirit. The chaos cannot mess with your mind. The chaos cannot win. It may win the battle, but it cannot win the war.  Not if you don’t let it affect you.

Copyright ( c ) [ Sneha P ] Rights reserved. 2015

Source of images – reddit.com
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The lies we tell ourselves

In my personal experience, I feel, somehow we tend to block out those feelings, emotions, experiences and memories that make us feel bad. Psychology calls it – “Fading affect bias

This is probably one of the reasons (among a rather long list of memory biases) that tend to affect our judgement.

Which is probably the reason we constantly lie to ourselves. Unknowingly, except for those moments of clarity where we finally begin to see the truth.

It begins with smaller lies like – I will definitely start exercising soon (After reading a rather scary article about health disorders associated with a sedentary lifestyle). However soon never comes in most of our cases.

Another one – ” I am sure he/she is just going through a rough time, we’ll pull through it. This relationship can work.”

Slowly going on to bigger ones like – “I am happy in my job”. ” My anger there was justified.” “It wasn’t my fault” “Just one more” ” Just this once” ” Never again”.

Really?

Procrastination-at-its-finest

My point here is not to question our decisions, but rather just like everyone else try and understand why do we lie to ourselves?

Is it to protect ourselves in that cocoon of lies we have built in our mind? To keep us in our comfort zone? To avoid facing whatever it is that is really going on?

Rose colored glasses. The lies we tell ourselves

I think its a defense mechanism. To prevent the shattering of the illusion. Some of us like to keep our rose colored glasses on.

For how long though?

Source – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_memory_biases