One morning you wake up and feel a sudden emptiness inside of you. A blank space, a void left by something, you don’t know what.
One day you wake up and it doesn’t make sense, the sadness, the sense of gloom that has come over your mind.
Nothing has happened. Why is your heart in this emotional turmoil?
One day you wake up and see everyone getting on with their lives. People doing things they’ve always wanted to and more. People achieving great things, securing good jobs, traveling to exotic places, finding love, finding art things you’ve always wanted to do.
And a little part of you goes ‘Oh’ and a little something breaks inside you.
It doesn’t mean you’re jealous of them. Neither does it mean that you want what they have.
It’s you realising that you’re still here. Maybe you will always be just ‘here’.
Maybe some people don’t find that voice inside them that tells them what to do. The voice could be wrong too, right? You dread making a career in something you might find dull and monotonous later. But what could you have done? Everyone said this degree will get you good jobs.
But will it compensate for that feeling when you’re tired from a long day of doing things you don’t enjoy, hustling and rushing and grinding throughout the day, just longing for the weekend?
You’re scared that not everyone feels this way. You are right too.
You want to go after what you want, but you know it won’t pay the bills. You’re too scared that you won’t be good enough for that dream. What if things go wrong?
But at least you’ll be happy. Is that enough?
But this isn’t the end of the problem. You wonder if someone out there feels the way you do. If you’re alone. If you’re normal?
You’re too scared to say it out loud because come on, your friends seem to have it all figured out. (Maybe they think the same way about you, the grass is always greener on the other side)
Then there are other things. You aren’t exactly emotionally strong either. Sometimes you get a little too attached, a little too angry, a little too upset, a little too overwhelmed. You wonder why you’re such an emotional mess? I mean once you had it all figured out in life, you knew where you were going, do you anymore?
I wish I was some genie with all the answers. But I am not, none of us. But this I know, some days nothing will make sense, some days everything will.
Some days you’ll feel invincible, some days you’ll feel hollowed out.
I think all we can do is do what we believe to be right in the moment, because no one has a definitive answer.
Even if your actions make 100% sense today, maybe they won’t tomorrow, or vice versa.
Know that you’re not alone.
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