A rainy night

Before I start with the story, I would like to tell you this is the first time I have made an attempt to write a short story. Hope you like it ๐Ÿ™‚ Honest feedback and criticism is always welcome ๐Ÿ˜€

The dark clouds had been hovering over the city ominously for the entire evening.

Sam was what urban dictionary would call an opposite of aย pluviophile. Something about the vengeful skies and the impending attack of raindrops on the perfect parched pavement just ruined his mood. Or maybe it was the fact that his penthouse was still 30 minutes away.

Or Maybe it was the fact that he had witnessed the mangled bodies of his parents lying before him, killed in a crash, on a night very similar to this one. A rainy night, preceded by a beautiful sunny day. A night 23 years ago. A night he would doย anythingย to change.

He cursed his luck for today out of all days his $60,000 car had decided to break down. He despised walking. He always had. But he could walk a long distance if need be, fortune hadn’t always favored him when he was younger he thought spitefully.

I am still young I can walk.35 isn’t too old. At least the 4 girlfriends he had dumped over the past 2 years didn’t find him old.

He considered himself quite a player. There was no reason not to. With a tendency to break innocent hearts of beautiful woman, a thick bush of brown wavy hair on his perfect face with a body that could make some male models cry, coupled with those brooding black eyes – he was quite a catch.

His reverie was cut short when the lightning struck the dark deserted street just a couple yards away from where he was walking.ย Weird. This never happens right?

Blindedย by the sudden flash before his eyes, his earbuds were assaulted by a heart wrenching cry of pain from somewhere nearby. He looked around frantically, mostly because he was scared. The voice grew fainter and fainter..Begging for help. He could not locate its source.

It began to rain. The world was veiled in a thick wall of water, mixing with the dark night. Like a kingdom of evil.

He felt horrified. He was alone on the street. The voice continued to scream. He wanted to help, he wanted to run. He tried looking for it, only in vain. He didn’t search much,for it felt like unnecessary trouble.

A mugging attempt perhaps? The city was filled with stories of innocent citizens assaulted in the night when they tried helping people posing to be in trouble.

He walked faster. The night swallowed the voice, only to be replaced by a deafening roar of a siren. A police van? An ambulance?

An ambulance rushed past him like a bullet, surprisingly the doors of the ambulance blew open by the violent winds. Inside he saw two faces. Covered on blood. The two faces he had once adored. The two faces he longed for more than anything in the world. The two faces that had he lost twice. Once 23 years ago, once today. Or is it the same day now?

Frantically he began screaming and running behind the vehicle.Lightning struck again.

Flash. The vehicle had gone. He was again alone. Running behind everything.ย Running behind nothing

He stopped dead in his tracks. He was flabbergasted.

His heart writhed with pain for even after making the journey of 23 years in a jiffy, he still couldn’t change his fate.

Copyright (c) [Sneha P] Rights Reserved 2015


18 thoughts on “A rainy night

  1. KasimsKorner says:

    Nice idea for a story, and on the whole well written (few mistakes here and there but it was fine). I enjoyed reading, keep it up ๐Ÿ™‚

    P.S. I’m glad my comment was what caused you to write your first short story ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • awordseeker says:

      Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚ Haha! I’ve been playing with the idea for some days in my mind, finally was able to put it in words. Thanks for your feedback, it’s highly appreciated โ˜บ


  2. A thought different says:

    its an awesome piece for your first attempt.. keep writing I am sure you will do wonders with practice.

    You could have however made the piece a little more clear… I don’t know whether you intentionally wrote it this way or it just came out this way but I felt the story was little unclear in what exactly were you trying to convey….

    But i must say the plot was good and written well for a first timer…

    Good luck for future attempts.. .

    Liked by 1 person

    • awordseeker says:

      Firstly thank you for such honest feedback. Words like these help me improve โ˜บ Secondly, I wanted to write a story that felt a little vague, Something that would make you read it twice to understand clearly

      Liked by 1 person

      • A thought different says:

        You are welcome I am a budding writer myself I understand the need for such things.. having people comment on your works and give you honest feedback…

        Well if that was your motive trust me you did achieve it.. For I had to go back and read again before I made a comment so as to make sure I didn’t miss something…

        Liked by 1 person

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